Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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