hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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