just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just forgot I was standing up.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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