Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
