My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
