He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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