Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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