I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Randomize