just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want a musical about memes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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