I want to stick my p in your. b.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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