He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
