i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Randomize
