Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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