I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
