I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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