I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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