My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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