The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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