Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
