I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
