You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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