I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
