He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
