I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
