Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize