She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize