Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
