I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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