I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
