Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
