I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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