question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
