It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
