she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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