She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am available for nakedness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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