i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
