there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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