unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
