Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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