This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
