Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
