How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
