whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize