I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
