i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
