you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
