I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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