yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
