I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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