made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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