return my video game
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i now understand why vodka
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
