I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
