Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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