Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
