The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
