two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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