If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
