Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
