It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i think i just lost a toe
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
