You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
