I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize