you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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