Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
