It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
