Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
