I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
