this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
