i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
