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Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
