i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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