I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
