My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
