I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
