if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
