I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize