i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
