Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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