you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize