I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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