it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
