Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
