all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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