I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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