He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You need a sexual gate keeper
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
