This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
