I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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