where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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