im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
where are you?
Hypothermia
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
