Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
