my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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