I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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